About a month ago, on a whim, I decided to enter a contest to win 6 months of coaching/contest prep from Coco Kissack at Zoe-Fit. I entered because I really wanted to work with Coco and because, after months of failed attempts on my own, I really need help getting back in shape. Well, actually, I want to get beyond any shape I have ever been. I want to be lean, cut, jacked, ripped, muscular, bad-ass, sexy... Pretty much everything that I currently am not.
I'll save some time and just post my contest entry here.
My story:
I have been a bit on the chubby side my whole life. I didn't have any real issues, but always wanted to be a bit more thin. When I was in my twenties I discovered bodybuilding and I loved the look. I spent hours going through magazines, reading everything I could to help me get lean and muscular. I spent a lot of time at the gym and ended up with a body that, while I didn't love it, I was happy to show off. I hit a rough time in my life and ended up with an eating disorder. Everything kind of got thrown out of whack. Then I got pregnant and gained 60 pounds. I quickly lost 50, then got pregnant again and gained 60 again. Once again I lost about 50, but I've been stuck ever since. I've been so uncomfortable about my weight that I have developed a kind of social anxiety. I don't want to go out with friends because I don't want them to see what I look like now. I have almost no photos of myself with my beautiful baby boys because I'm embarrassed by my weight. My eating disorder came back because I was so angry at myself for gaining the weight, and because no matter what I tried the weight will not come off. For the past 2 years I have been struggling to lose 25 pounds and get back to not only where I am at a healthy weight, but where I feel happy with myself. I have finally decided that I need help and that I can't just do this by myself. I need to put my faith in someone whom I trust to help me reach my goals. I also need to prove to myself that I am strong enough to do this and that, at 40, I can be the person that I was always meant to be. My dream is to step on stage at a bodybuilding competition, and to prove to myself, and anyone that has doubted me, that I can do it.
I have been a bit on the chubby side my whole life. I didn't have any real issues, but always wanted to be a bit more thin. When I was in my twenties I discovered bodybuilding and I loved the look. I spent hours going through magazines, reading everything I could to help me get lean and muscular. I spent a lot of time at the gym and ended up with a body that, while I didn't love it, I was happy to show off. I hit a rough time in my life and ended up with an eating disorder. Everything kind of got thrown out of whack. Then I got pregnant and gained 60 pounds. I quickly lost 50, then got pregnant again and gained 60 again. Once again I lost about 50, but I've been stuck ever since. I've been so uncomfortable about my weight that I have developed a kind of social anxiety. I don't want to go out with friends because I don't want them to see what I look like now. I have almost no photos of myself with my beautiful baby boys because I'm embarrassed by my weight. My eating disorder came back because I was so angry at myself for gaining the weight, and because no matter what I tried the weight will not come off. For the past 2 years I have been struggling to lose 25 pounds and get back to not only where I am at a healthy weight, but where I feel happy with myself. I have finally decided that I need help and that I can't just do this by myself. I need to put my faith in someone whom I trust to help me reach my goals. I also need to prove to myself that I am strong enough to do this and that, at 40, I can be the person that I was always meant to be. My dream is to step on stage at a bodybuilding competition, and to prove to myself, and anyone that has doubted me, that I can do it.
It took a lot of guts for me to post that and then link it on Facebook for everyone (including old high school boyfriends) to see. I kind of held my breath when I hit that "post" button, then for a second thought that maybe I should just skip the contest, delete the post and forget the whole thing. But I didn't. The result was wonderful.
So many people commented on my entry, voted for me, sent private messages, or stopped at work to talk to me about what I had written that I was really surprised. Everyone was supportive and cheering me on. Even some of those old boyfriends!I didn't end up winning the free coaching, but I decided to work with Coco anyway. And then, for some reason, I decided that I might as well train for a competition. Why not? At first I planned on an October show, since that would give me 10 months. Then I thought that I didn't want it to take 10 months, so I chose an earlier show. April 26. 4 months away. I realize that is not a lot of time for what I hope to accomplish, but I also know that I work well under pressure and having a closer show will force me to work harder and be more compliant with my plan to ensure that I get the results I want.
This week my job is to stick to my current training and the diet plan Coco gave me. I was very compliant the first couple weeks, but between family visits, birthdays, sickness and Christmas it has been an ugly couple of weeks. At least that means my starting numbers and photos will be even more horrible, so I will be even more motivated (and likely depressed) when I see them.
Enough for now. Time to sleep and dream of proving everyone wrong,
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