Slow Progress

I'm making progress.  It's slow, but despite my apparent best efforts at self-sabotage, I'm still making progress.

I love my plan.  In fact, it's a testament to how awesome my plan is that I am still seeing results by only sticking to it 60-70% for the past week.  I can give you a long list of excuses as to why I haven't been 100% compliant, but it doesn't matter.  In the end they are still just excuses. 

The good:  Cardio.  Yeah, I know.  No one is more amazed by my cardio than me.  Since I started this plan I have only missed one morning since Christmas.  Every damn day I am on that bike. Even when the temperature is -20 I am at the gym by 5 a.m. and SMILING and being friendly to people.  WTF? People who know me are shocked by it, but I am actually really enjoying it.  

The diet.  It's awesome.  It's well balanced. There is plenty of food.  Tons of food.  Some days I have a tough time even eating it all.  The only problem is my crappy willpower and poor planning. I deviate from my diet when I don't have my meals prepped.  I deviate from my diet when I'm over tired and I deviate from my diet when I am stressed.  Last week I had a couple nights with very little sleep.  I was stressed over my sick dog and I had PMS.  I gave in to off-plan food way too often.  Blah blah blah excuses.  I need to stick to the diet and that is that.

Weights.  My weight training has been shaken up quite a bit.  I didn't realize how badly I needed to change things until I got the new lifting plan last week.  I have had to let my ego go and drop the weights to increase the reps.  It's very different for me, but I think it's exactly what I need right now.  It's very tough, but in a different way than I am used to.  I missed two days entirely (insert more lame excuses) and had to train at home once.  

The bad: Abs.  This is definitely an issue.  All I can say is, "I suck."  I am not doing nearly as much ab work as my plan calls for.  Historically it's the area that I kind of slack on.  In fact, it was pretty rare for me to do any direct ab work at all.  I remember once, years ago, someone in the gym complimenting me on my great abs.  I guess I need to get my shit together here and see if I can find them again.

So, no more excuses.  My plan is awesome and I know that my results will be equally as awesome if I am compliant. The past few days at 100% I have felt great.  Very sore, but great.  I am determined to keep it up.

Curious about my coach, training or other stuff?

Here's a link to my trainer, Coco Kissack, on Facebook

The Last Big Binge

I am not proud of this post, but a big part of this process for me is accountability.  So, I'm writing this all down.

Once a week I have a meal that is off plan.  It's not a "cheat meal".  It's simply a reasonable meal, close to my recommended macros, that isn't specifically laid out on my plan.  It's something to keep me sane while I'm eating a fairly restricted diet.

Yesterday I had planned a cheat meal.

I knew a few months ago that it was coming, so I was kind of looking forward to it.  I have a nephew and 3 nieces who all had a birthday coming up.  I knew we were having a party, so I was looking forward to my mom's angel food cake.  It's kind of the staple birthday cake in my family, and it's awesome.

A couple of weeks ago I found out that we were having a family reunion on that day, too. I usually can't make it to those events because of work, but this one was on my day off, so I planned to go.  These are always potluck events, and while I didn't expect to find grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli, I was confident that I could find something that would fit my macros reasonably well.

I started the day by hitting the gym early and then eating my egg whites for meal #1.  Technically today was supposed to be a "carb day" for my plan, but since I knew I was going to have a treat or two, I decided to go low carb for breakfast.  Lunch would be the potluck.

As is usually for these kind of events, there wasn't an overwhelming array of healthy food, but I chose some slow cooked poultry item for myself and a couple not-too-threatening veggie sides.  I was proud of myself as I sat down to eat.  As it turns out, the poultry (chicken? Turkey? Who knows?) was really dry and chewy and I couldn't manage to eat it.  It all went downhill from there.

There were desserts.

Lots of desserts.

My mom had made pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting.  My favorite!  Every year at Thanksgiving we have those, but this year I didn't get to do Thanksgiving with my family so I didn't have any.  Well, I thought I deserved just one.  It was so, so, so good!  I inhaled it while discussing my plans for my bodybuilding competition with my brother. Of course, my kids wanted to try them too, so they each had one.  And a cookie.  They didn't finish them and I hate to see those yummy treats go to waste... Do you see where this is heading?

A few hours later we were at my parents' house and I was starving.  I mean, all I had for lunch were a couple pumpkin bars and some cookies.  Let's see what there is to eat.

Mom and Dad's house always triggers me to eat a ton of junk.  I know this, and I know I should have brought my food.  But it was a birthday party!  Who wants to being tilapia and asparagus to a party, am I right?  Besides, there are more pumpkin bars!  Cream cheese frosting!  Did I mention that my home town has the best pizza place in the world?  Obviously we had to order pizza from Maria's.  (My idea, of course). Then my mom pointed out that she had some brandy slush made.  Well, what goes better with pizza than booze?  Oh, and don't forget the birthday cake, and cookies to take home for the boys.

Train wreck, right?  I get kind of ill just typing it all out.  And I know my coach is going to be really disappointed in me. But here's the fucked up part:

I kept telling myself, "I've been working my ass off and sticking to my diet really well.  I deserve this treat."
What a load of complete, utter bullshit!
I've been working my ass off and sticking to my diet really well.  I deserve to look really fucking hot naked.

Once that thought occurred to me my entire mindset shifted.  I'm better than that.  I know I have a rockin' body under this extra 25 pounds and I deserve to see it and to show it off.

I'm hoping that yesterday was the last binge for me, but regardless I am back on track today and I have learned something important about this whole process.

102 days to the stage.  Weigh-in, progress pics and measurements in two days.  Need to get my shit together right now.


Curious about my coach, training or other stuff?

Here's a link to my trainer, Coco Kissack, on Facebook

Morning People

I am not a morning person.

Those of you who know me can attest to that.  To me, "early morning" is generally anything before 10 a.m.  I rarely am out of bed before 8:00.  For the past few weeks this has all changed.  I am now up at around 4:30 every morning so I can be at the gym by 5:00 for my morning fasted cardio.  And here's the crazy part:

I love it.

Seriously.  I love it so much that I was even there a few times before the gym even opened.  How crazy is that?  Me.  Early for something.  In the morning.  Weird, I know.

I don't love getting out of bed at 4:30.  Especially on those freezing cold mornings.  But once I am up and dressed and brush my teeth I am wide awake and ready to go.  I am out the door before I even have time to think about crawling back in my nice cozy bed, snuggling with all my boys.  (Hubby, two toddlers and a dog). And once I get to the gym I never have to wait for my favorite cardio machine.  It's always empty.  Just sitting there, waiting.  No one else has sweated all over it yet.  It's all mine.

So, I hop on with a good book, set the program and read for 30 minutes.

It's so awesome!  I don't even have to worry about getting called to the daycare to get my kids or anything.  Just me, my bike and whatever novel I happen to be enjoying.  Some mornings I'm even a bit sad when my 30 minutes is up.  I've been known to stay and do 45 minutes on occasion.  Especially if I need to finish a really good section of my book.

When I get back home I am wide awake and ready to start my day.  No one else is awake yet, so I can sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee in peace and quiet while catching up with email and Facebook.  I can even do some housework!  It's pretty cool, this whole "Morning Person" thing.

A few things about my contest prep.  Obviously I am now doing fasted cardio in the mornings.  Other than that, my training hasn't really changed for now.  My coach has modified my diet a bit, mostly just by throwing in carb cycling.  It's going well.  I'm still really satisfied with the food and not hungry.  Usually.  I have given in to cravings twice.  Damn you, Cheerios and fresh cheese curds!  However, unlike in the past, I have a little cheat and then move on.  I don't just say, "Fuck it!" And throw in the towel and eat everything in sight.  This is a huge shift for me.

I missed the gym twice, due to inclement weather.  I did still train at home.  It's not ideal, but at least I'm still getting it done.

I took photos and measurements last week.
I cried.
But, I know where I'm starting now, and I have my goal firmly in mind.  Nowhere to go but up from here.

I also have started working on my posing.  Hopefully it won't feel so ridiculous once I lose some of the weight.  The posing is really freaking me out, to be honest.  It's just really foreign to me.  But, it will come with time and feel more natural, I know.

Enough for now.  I need to be up in 6 hours to head to the gym.


Curious about my coach, training or other stuff? Here's a link to my trainer, Coco Kissack, on Facebook.